“Orange is the New Black” Shares The Real Stories of Our Secret Society

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I hesitated when friends told me to watch Orange is the New Black. Being that that I’ve spent the last 17 years of my life behind the walls, I figured unless it was different than all the other prison shows that never got it right, I could wait. It wasn’t until a good friend told me, “Yo like foreal, you need to watch this, it hella reminds me of you,” that I actually sat down and watched it.

I automatically understood the show from the women I saw in the introduction. I saw the faces of all the different types of women that go in and out — some have piercings, some have scars from the street life or drug abuse, some are clear eyed and clear faced, some are dirty, some skinny, some bigger. I could immediately relate to the main character, Piper (who is based on Piper Kerman who wrote a book about her incarceration), while thinking of all my trips to the big house — having to turn yourself in and the thoughts about the choices, the wanting to change the past and turn the clock back.

I was completely hooked on the show when I saw Piper sitting on her toilet and sobbing the night before she had to turn herself in. I felt like God was telling my secrets as I sat there with tears running down my face, remembering that feeling and reliving a similar moment.

It is really those subtle scenes that tell the normally unshared truth of being incarcerated. Like when Piper shares how the shower is her happy place, a place to be honest. The shower in prison was the only time I felt free, not only that it’s the only place one can really have a good cry, but because I will always remember how when I first got to prison I sobbed in silence under the running water. The shower became my safe place, and is still to this day — that place I go to when I need to wash away the pains of life.

Those were like the first 15 minutes of the show. I could go on and on about the impact Piper’s truth is going to have on women who haven’t even gotten out yet. It’s like a secret society, and as the show points out, some don’t even make it to the outside, or start taking meds and don’t come out the same way they went in.

All these stories are real, and Piper is my hero for being brave enough for advocating for those women telling their stories. That’s exactly what I get to do now as a career, my purpose in life, through a program I dreamed up while inside and made real when I got out called Sister’s That Been There – a support group for incarcerated and formerly incarcerated women. I am so proud of Piper to be the one to come out and gives life to these women’s stories, some who will never get out to get there credibility back.

And even the scenes that seem improbable, really do happen in prison. The first that comes to mind is a scam the women play during a scared straight session. Piper says to the young woman, Dina, “I was someone before I came in here. I was somebody with a life that I chose for my self. And now its just about getting through the day with out crying, and I’m scared, I’m still scared, I’m scared that I’m not myself in here, and I’m scared that I am.”

I can remember that exact moment in my own journey. Now that I’m free, I often ask myself: how did I even make it out in my right mind? Prison life is not a joke, it’s a spirituals war zone between self and the walls that close you in, cutting you off from the world on the other side.

I really liked how they shed light on the recidivism with the character Tasty. The one conversation that still occurs between women who were locked up together no matter how much time passes is, “who is locked up?” And the phrase, “guess who’s back” is always a start of that conversation. It’s never really a shock, but sometimes, most times, it hurts to hear those names. We all hope the best for the individual that gets released, but when they come back in we have a wide range of emotions – disappointment for sure, and then we rejoice because at least we have each other. It’s crazy but true, we are a family, and when one of us succeeds we all succeed. And when one of us fails, we all fail. That level of support is how I’ve made it to where I am at now.

This show is valuable because it tells our truth about the relationships we have with one another. It is exactly why I am driven to keep those same connections we had on the inside here on the outs. Women come together on the inside and support one another, but then they get out and loose those connections and fail in rehabilitation.

That’s why I was so bothered by some of the backlash on Orange is the New Black, particularly from people who have never been behind the walls. In The Nation Magazine, an article called “White is the New White,” knocked the show, but the author Aura Bogado makes no mention she herself has ever experienced prison. As such, maybe she couldn’t handle the episodes, and at one point even says that the women depicted in the show wouldn’t appreciate the stories being told. I didn’t get the point of the article. It seemed contradictory because the writer is talking about racism and money and yet she has chosen to talk about something she has no experience in. I don’t know, but women who are behind bars love the success of their fellow inmates. I’m proof.

Reading Bogado’s critique, I felt a need to protect our truth from people who might not understand us. It’s nothing new that we aren’t understood, it’s why we go where we go. So to make it clear, back up off Orange is the New Black — we don’t need you to understand us, the way we think, and the life we’ve lived. Life behind the walls is its own world, and Piper has nailed it, she fuckin’ nailed it.

That’s why Piper is a hero to sisters that been there, so the public should just enjoy her bravery to open up. A lot of us don’t do stuff like this because we carry a lot of fear when it comes to society. That adds extra pressure to those of us who do speak out. For the women inside, when people have not yet found their voice, I become that voice. In fact, Orange is the New Black will be a great teaching tool for the women in my program.

This is written for all my girls behind the walls. They would have written this if they had access to internet, but because I know that I’m free, I live for those that live for me, because through me they too are free.

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Voices Behind The Walls Speak Out To STBT

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As I sat in my jail cell in November of 2010, I read closely an article entitled “The Power of a Letter” from Women’s Day magazine. Although I knew the impact of a letter at that time, I was impressed to see that others on the outside had remembered the powerful art. I had thought it was something that only existed for people affected by incarceration.

Receiving mail is an experience in itself, but to open a letter addressed to you is a gift that no longer gets the recognition it deserves. Letter writing is a lifeline for the incarcerated women I work with. For any human in lock up of any sort, it’s the only way one feels a sense of freedom. That is why any proposal to limit inmates from receiving mail is tremendously harmful – to the inmates, their loved ones, and our collective community.

In the writings you will read here, you will see the true power of the letter. It is life altering, life-saving, therapeutic, a source of mental health support, and much more. You will see that letters are what keeps inmates focused on leading a successful life on the outside, and serve as important reminders that there are people out here ready to support them.

I Have Your Letter Taped to My Wall, Thank You

I woke up at 5 this morning here and found some mail had been slid under my door. Naturally I knew this was some sort of mistake, because I had only been here a short few days. When I opened the card from all the girls at S.T.B.T and read, “Welcome home and we are praying for you” all the days I have spent holding my emotions in and being visibly strong through this entire ordeal came to an instant surface. I cried so hard for the best part of two hours. I am moved by your support and believe you are a gift from God as he knows my heart and who I am. Please thank all the girls for me and I can’t wait to meet all of you. I am so excited at what lies ahead.

I have your letters taped to the wall here in my cell. I reminisce constantly about meeting all of you. I cry every time I read the words in my card “welcome home.” It’s been a long, rough road, but I did it. Thank for making me feel loved, not alone, and home. I love you all.

You Made Me Feel Less Alone

“For my sisters, the most common way people give up their power is by thinking they dont have any.”
–Alice Walker

I like that. Man, you don’t even know just how your letter has made me feel not alone, like someone really does care about me. All I can say is thank you. I’ve been so depressed I don’t know where I went wrong. I never felt so lonely, I never cared how I hurt my family until now, until this moment. I feel so alone. Well, my sisters, I just needed to vent and you were that one. I was the first one to see the article in the Mercury News about Sisters That Been There. Love it. I love you, keep up the positivity.

Need a Letter or Picture As I Start a New Life

I’ll be 33 years old this year. I’m currently doing a 3 year sentence at Elmwood. I’ve been in and out of jail since 2002. I put myself in program, so I can start my life on the right path. I don’t have support from my family and I don’t blame them. But time is so hard without a picture and a letter time to time. I’d like to receive a list of services your support group offers. I look forward to hearing from you.

Please Help, Thinking of Giving Up

I have a long history of drug use and my trauma goes back to the age of 4. I am learning how to change the behavior that get me locked up. I just feel like giving up sometimes. I have 6 months clean and I need all the help I can get. Please help me. I’m 50 years old and I have lost everything. I’m thinking maybe I should just give up.

Please Send Photos, I’ll Be Here for a While

Hi, my friends and I were talking about the new mail rule for inmates. We will only be able to have postcards sent to us. Some of us don’t have any family willing to send us pictures, and our friends brought you up. Is it possible you could please go on our facebook pages and print out some pictures and send them to us? I am 28 years old with two daughters. I will be here for a while and no one writes me. Please help!

A Letter Is Always Timeless For Those Doing Time

There are only a few ways of staying connected to the outside world when you are behind the wall –phones, visits, tv, newspaper, mail and often time lyrics to music. Most people never experience calls, or get visits, so the way we stay connected to the real world is mail at 10pm at night in the women’s side of Elmwood. And for those that don’t get mail, the power is in your cell mates sharing some inspiration. We share photos to uplift our spirits, and read from the folded pages to our podettes. To limit this would be limiting the basic livelihood of inmates period. If us who have been there don’t speak up, no one would ever know the power of a letter – stamped, signed, sealed and delivered to you in a place that feels so far from the real world, but yet is so close when put in the hands of a confined soul! A letter will always be timeless to those doing time!

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Sisters That Been There Reflect on Documentary “Crime After Crime”

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When we allow incarcerated women the opportunity to share her experience and allow them to have a voice in the free world, it is truly amazing the magic that transpires.

Though the women in STBT come from many different backgrounds, they often share the same simple solutions stemming from one common experience. I often tell the women in my group the keys to your freedom are within yourself. Their recent writings say the same!

After viewing a documentary “Crime after Crime” which is about a woman, Deborah Peagler, fighting for her freedom after serving 27 years in prison. My hope was to motivate the women to take advantage of their freedom. Emotions were ever present as we sat in our weekly STBT session and viewed the film. Some chose to suppress them, but the exposure alone was the change taking place for these ladies. I asked the ladies to write about how the film impacted them personally, and as I read each entry I again became grateful and re-assured of the position I and the program plays in their lives and in the community.

The women that are coming out of these prisons and jails all have the keys to free themselves. It is our duty as concerned parties to provide them with the experience that enables them to reach down inside with out the fears the confine them and pick up the keys they carry. Here are their writings…

Continue to Fight, and Never Give Up!

I felt a strong sense of hope when I watched this film. There were many times when things didn’t go the way she planned, like getting denied appeal or the process got backed tracked and shot down by prosecution. Yet she continued to fight and never once gave up! I felt hopeful to see that there are still people out there that have good intentions and who believe in people like us and want to help us!

You Can Smell and Taste Your Freedom

I wish the film would of showed Deborah’s release and her walking through the sally port gates. When you walk through the sally port its as if you can smell and taste your freedom. I realize it the same air, but the feeling of the air on one side of the prison is completely different on the free side of the prison gates. Hopefully one day documentaries will show the whole release process of inmates being released after serving a long amount of time.

The Sense of Hopelessness and the Strength of Faith

Although this story is one of hope and freedom, I found myself feeling hopeless. Continually being denied your freedom began to wear my spirit down and I felt a strong since of hopelessness. Debbie gave all of herself to a man who abused her then to the justice system. She lost time with her children, her family and the world. I released my feelings of hopelessness when she was finally released. It was an overwhelming feeling of joy — a journey completed. I admire her ability to continue to have faith in the world and in people. Her trust in others gives me the strength to feel I too can have faith in others and that there is good in the world.

Stayed by Her Side

I experienced sharing a bunk with Debbie in prison. So by me being a woman that has been there, I was very touched to see the lawyer stayed by her side no matter what the case looked like. I realize today that all things are possible. I try to keep this in mind especially when I feel like giving up. So far this support is an A + thank you!

Sometimes we look too deep and miss our opportunity to effectively help one another out of the system. The writings you have read give you a little bit of ingredients to what each woman is in need of to insure she is on her journey to freedom – support, hope, a voice, encouragement and my favorite — love.

– Steeda, founder of Sisters That Been There

Sisters That Been There Graduates (photos by Charisse Domingo)

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Regina P was able to fight her addiction and reclaim her place at the celebration of life ceremony she was to complete in the first celebration however was not able to, do to a relapse. But she came back even stronger and completed 16 weeks of intense emotional search for self and we are honored to announced her as a alumnae of s.t.b.t

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I received a email one day from a mother seeking help for her daughter little did i know that the woman she was speaking of would walk into my group months there after. Andrea came to me willing to learn and meet people who were doing the same things she was. She has successfully completed the 16 week course and is currently seeking employment she has been a great example of a sister that’s been there.

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She knew what she wanted from the moment she stepped in to the class room. “I want to be the best mother I can and get off probation”. She is on her way. Jeniffer came consistently for 6 months and made it very clear what her needs and wants were she never gave up and that is a key quality our sisters that been there share.

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Breaking more that one cycle, Latoya has broken not only the cycle of incarceration but also a cycle in her Native heritage, “not many Native American women have help like this now I get to tell them that there is help”, these are her words she is now an example in the Native American community that change is possible and to women who have been locked up with this strong woman get to also see that change is possible. Latoya is a true inspiration to our sisterhood. Her son often attended group with her we wish them both the best on there journey.

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Ready for change when Monica came to us she knew what needed to be done and was just so open to doing it. She needed a job, so she got one. She needed a place to call home, so she got one. She is well on her way and was always willing to inspire and motivate the other women in the group. Her down to earth approach on life and her situation has shot her right up to the stars.

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My great honor to introduce to you all the second generation of sisters that been there Change is happening right here in Santa Clara County. These women have already broke there own cycle will we encourage there chance or ignore it?
we believe in loving our sisters until they learn from us how to love themselves!

STBT Featured In The Mercury News!

Last month “Sisters That Been There” was featured in Mercury News. Check out the article http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_21593368 and these great photos by Gary Reyes.

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